Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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