Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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