It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
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She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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