and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
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It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
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The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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