At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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