if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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