Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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