He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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