So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
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I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
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you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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