I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Pooping to opera.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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