why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
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