Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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