i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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