when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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