Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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