And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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