We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
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i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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