I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize