kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
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Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
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That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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