the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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