thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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