There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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