OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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