LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
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why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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