just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
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Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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