I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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