Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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