I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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