she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
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If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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