OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
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THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
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Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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