i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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