You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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