You work out of a Hotel?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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