Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize