***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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