The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
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Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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