Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Houston, we have a squirter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize