you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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