between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
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Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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