she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize