it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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