Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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