I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is it because I queefed?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
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Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
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Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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