someone threw a dead crab at me
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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