Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
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Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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