somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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