dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
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I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
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You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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