ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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