so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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