I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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